Ebook Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships, by Diane Vaughan
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Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships, by Diane Vaughan
Ebook Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships, by Diane Vaughan
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A brilliant sociological look at the dynamics of separation and an invaluable guide for anyone who wants to understand—or prevent—the collapse of a relationship.How do relationships end? Why does one partner suddenly become discontented with the other—and why is the onset of that discontentment not so sudden after all? What signals do partners send each other to indicate their doubts? Why do those signals so often go unnoticed? And how do people who saw themselves as part of a couple come to terms not just with absence and abandonment, but with a new, single identity? Drawing from extensive research and in-depth interviews, this groundbreaking book reveals a process that begins in secret but gradually becomes public, implicating not only partners but their social milieu. Enlightening, accessible, and deeply affecting, Uncoupling offers a startling vision of what really happens behind the surface when relationships come apart.
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Product details
Paperback: 272 pages
Publisher: Vintage (September 5, 1990)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9780679730026
ISBN-13: 978-0679730026
ASIN: 0679730028
Product Dimensions:
5.2 x 0.6 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
56 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#120,555 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I read this years ago in one of my Sociology classes for college. It was a turning point for me. I know had the ability to understand how relationships fall apart and the ability to recognize the signs within me or my partner.If you read it for what it is, signs, patterns, you'll understand where the lack of emotional vulnerability/trust started to fall apart and/or what event. There's no blaming, just a need to be accountable for each person's actions.I highly recommend this book. I've bought and given several copies away through the years.In society, we are always looking into how to find a partner. I believe if we focus more on how to recognize the signs in a relationship that may be uncoupling, it will give you more intuitive skills to communicate instead of just walking away.
Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships by Diane VaughanThis book won't save your relationship. It won't tell you what went wrong. It won't save your next relationship. What it will tell you is where you are in the process of ending the relationship. This process tends to be unstoppable and knowing that helps you accept the end and move on. The reason this works is that the book gives you a catalog of the types of break-ups and enough description for you to figure out which type is happening and where you are in the type. It is spot on to the point that you cannot fool yourself and you accept the inevitable and start the healing.This is a really good book to give someone who cannot get past their previous relationship or are dazed and confused about what is happening.
I'll admit I'm only 1/3 through Uncoupling, which I just opened last night, but after randomly turning on the 1996 movie Swingers with Vince Vaughn this afternoon, I'm compelled to help my fellow broken-hearted compadres by urging you to put down the self help books for a minute and rent, download or stream this movie ASAP. More than any book, blog post, or brainwaves app, this movie will make you feel better IMMEDIATELY! You must commit to pushing through the pain so honestly depicted in the first 1/3-1/2 of the film as a prerequisite for the reward this story offers in the end. Before you even know what's happening, you will be laughing, smiling and perhaps, like me, even feeling the first signs not of hope (which to me is still a victim mentality) but of honest-to-God eagerness and excitement in the face of the new possibilities that have become open to each of us against our wills. Whether you've seen the movie 50 times or have never heard of it, the effect of watching it during this time of intense emotional loss and pain makes the experience an original one.AFTER you complete the above assignment, then I join the majority consensus in recommending this book as a refreshingly unemotional and analytical study of how the breakup process evolves. I am that unusual person who is burdened with an acutely empathetic and emotional nature in constant battle with my demand for reason and logic. As a result I don't have the luxury of dealing with just one or the other, like most people. This book addresses the latter from a sociological perspective and is a great relief from the emotionally demanding yet useful books that address the pain you're feeling and how to move beyond it.Uncoupling has one objective: to analyze the "how," and it persuasively posits that irrespective of age, race, religion, gender, sexual preference, type or length of the relationship, the fundamental process is curiously uniform. With that knowledge, this decidedly dispassionate breakdown ultimately eased my pain in a way the other books could not by making it abundantly clear that I am not alone, my pain is not unique or worse or more intense than yours or his or hers or theirs, even though it feels like it is. I don't think it's that "misery loves company," because I don't wish this torture even on the woman my husband moved in with. Instead, it's about feeling a part of something again, after so many agonizing hours believing I am completely and forever alone with my heartache.I know there will be some who take offense at my unorthodox "review," but those people actually enjoy wallowing in despair and giddily recruit others to join them. For the rest of you, I hope I can help lessen the pain, if even just a little bit or for only a moment. I'm right here with you, friends. If you want to talk, send me a message. But whatever you do, go watch that movie NOW!Cheers
I think Dianne Vaughan's book is an elegant and incisive rendering of the dynamics that exist when a couple comes apart. It is not a pop psych book, although interviews are included to demonstrate real examples of her theory. It is reasonably scholarly AND accessible to the lay public.I would recommend reading Uncoupling at any point in the disintegration of a relationship. The earlier you read it, the greater your understanding; it may not keep you two together, but you will find useful information for dealing with the process, and at the very least, a way to frame what is happening to you both.I would also recommend it for people who still grieve a distant parting. If you are "stuck" ruminating about how something ended, I think it will help you achieve release and the freedom to resume a part of your life that has been in suspension - at least it is doing that for me.The experience is sad, enraging, tragic, liberating, a riddle....I am sure there are hundreds of adjectives for uncoupling. This won't cure your sorrow, but it will give you a way to understand what has or is occurring, and indirectly achieve some distance from the pain. Remember, coming apart is an almost universal experience, and seeing how many people describe the event helps reinforce that notion; you are not alone.
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